I know the answer!

Thanks for joining me again! This journey wouldn’t be the same without the people that I have encountered along the way. I consider us, you and me the people that read my blog as chance encounters as well. I didn’t plan to be here in Gambia, I didn’t plan to write a blog and you hadn’t plan to read or start reading a blog by this chick right here, but here we are. I think it’s beautiful and I hope you do too.

Yes, GOD does have the answer, but I tell you I continue to pray for discernment so I understand the difference from HIS answer and what I’m telling myself. Maybe I’m looking for a revelation instead of an answer, but that is what I’m meditating on now. Then I really was looking for the answer about what was I going to do after my recovery: Chicago or Gambia, Gambia or Chicago?

I didn’t have time to listen or see if the answer was there because of the drama that was going on around me. Oh my goodness, I’ve been through and done some things in my life, but the next few months were deep. I couldn’t find space, not even space within me due to the all noise I could hear and the emotional noise I could feel. No mother should have to watch their child or children hurt mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Watch them suffer and subject themselves to such suffering.

No matter what kind of pain or situation I was in I could not and was not going to let myself be disrespected and abused. It’s something else how people that are abused tend to abuse others. Maybe that’s what makes me so sensitive. I know what it feels like to be hurt on different levels. Mentally emotionally, spiritually and physically pain, yes I’ve been there. Thank GOD I’ve been there, if not for there I could not be here and here is a good place and I’m referring to my being, my person.

When did it become acceptable in society for children at any age to disrespect their parents or any elder for that matter? I could never think of or do such a thing. My mother and I did not have the best relationship and she made some choices for me that caused severe repercussions in my life, but please. I respected her because she was my mother, had nothing to do if she was right or wrong, lying or telling the truth, she was my mother. Oh yeah, I thought a whole bunch of stuff and said a heap of this and that under my breath, but I wasn’t opening my mouth to hurt or disrespect her. 

Anyway the decision I needed to make then was where was I going to move to when, not if, but when I left my daughters place. I knew she needed me for more reasons than one, but she was drowning and I couldn’t save her. She was fighting the water and not taking hold of any of the life preservers being offered to her. The hardest part would be leaving my Puddie and she needed me too, but I knew my limits in every aspect. 

I needed my head to be right for surgery. I had gotten approval in the mail for my insurance and the approval for the surgery as well. The light at the end of the tunnel was getting a little closer! I called the orthopedic surgeon and made an appointment so the surgery could be scheduled and I could start getting my pre-op labs and test. Woooo hoooooo! 

Easter Sunday 2008, I week before surgery I had taken all I could take without continuing to die inside. I called a girlfriend of mine and asked if I could stay with her and she came and got me the next day.

I also knew what I was going to do when I recovered. Chicago or Gambia?

By the way, I will not be posting Friday, it's my birthday! Though I'd to spend it with you I know you'll understand why I'll be MIA.

Take care  GOD bless you and I'll be back nex t Monday by GOD's will.