Monday 10 December 2012

The Experience!

I don't want to, but I feel the need to keep saying this: If you haven't read my previous posts you won't  get fully what I'm trying to convey and you would have missed some steps along this journey. I encourage you to read my previous posts please if you have not. Let's carry on, shall we.........  

I fear what comes next in life. Now that's a bold and truthful statement! I fear what comes next, but I'm excited about and look forward to it! I don't know or would even try to have the idea, gumption or ignorance to think I know what's on GOD's agenda, that's why I fear what's coming next. I fear GOD, I am humbled and in awe of HIS very being. That fear doesn't mean I think bad things are on the horizon or have negative thoughts, no way: just the opposite. Whatever, a million blessings or a million woes, "HE's Got the Whole World in HIS HANDS".

I told you I was feeling Jobish and for those of you who don't know the story of Job from the Bible I encourage you to check it out. So Job would send up prayers and sacrifices every day for his family cause he didn't know what's coming next for them. Most of us do it unconsciously, pray that you make through the day safely, "watch over me as I come and go". We say it out of reverence for GOD as we seek protection cause we don't know what's coming next.

The summer of 2007 was Hot! Yes, Africa Hot! I'm so glad that the owner of the house I rent had it built it so that from any direction the wind is blowing there's usually a nice breeze in the house, cause electricity is not promised to you. Especially in the summer when it's raining; Hmph, you get to really appreciate that you have an arm that you can fan yourself with! I spent some of my time reading, exchanging then discussing novels with one my sistren here from the Diaspora that's Jamaican via the UK. And of course I spent a lot of time praying and reading the Bible, it's what kept me! My domestic assistant was so sweet! She took care of me hand and foot, wouldn't let me move for a glass of water. GOD bless her. She was the first student that I enrolled in my organizations literacy program in 2010 http://www.intbn.org.

The hair was still standing up on the back of my neck and there was a peace with me that I'd never known, it was surreal. It was if I was in this calm space and on the periphery was this swirling warm wind that was picking up speed.Then late one Thursday night or early one Friday morning if you prefer as I was sleeping I had a dream, but it wasn't like a dream at all. It felt so real and I know it was. Listen up! Here's the Experience or some may say dream........

I was in the house I rent here in Gambia in my bedroom when  heard someone come to my door. I could sense that my domestic assistant was in the house during the Experience, but she was not visible. I came from my room to see who was at my door. In the Experience my front door had a screen door, but in actuality it does not. Anyway as I neared the front door my mouth dropped open in shock. I couldn't believe who I was seeing and I was more than overjoyed. The sun was shining so brightly that I shaded my eyes to take in everything that was in the distance. In actuality there is a high wall, prisonish, that surrounds the compound/yard where I live, but in the Experience no walls. I live on a main street so in the Experience I was able to see onto the main street and its activity.  

I opened the screen door and exclaimed. "Mom, what are you doing here?" In an excited way! I didn't hug her nor did we touch, but that's not usual. I don't think we had hugged since I was a very little girl, if then. Her image was and still is so clear, what she had on, her hairstyle, makeup and with that broad, red lipsticked, I Love Lucy Smile. I felt so honored and I had so many questions: How'd you get here? How did you fine the house? Who's that chauffeur and where did he come from? I'm  telling it was like that! As I looked beyond my mother standing on my doorstep I could see a tall Black Man with a dazzling bright smile dressed in a black chauffeur's uniform with the patent leather brimmed cap pulled down over his eyes standing by a black limousine. Arms folded in front of his pelvis in a relaxed, but on duty stance. I noticed I didn't see any luggage at my mother's side or by the limo. I figured it still must be in the trunk. I opened the screen door wider for my mother to enter while saying, "You came all this way to see me!?", but she did not come in. She said the most beautiful words I've ever heard her say, she said, "I came because I love you!" Oh my goodness! I'd waited a lifetime for my mother to tell me that. In actuality I can never remember hear her ever saying those words to me. I used to tell her I loved her all the time, but all I got back was blank air.I asked her where were her bags and who was that limo driver and she said as she looked back at him and smiles, "Oh he's come to take me some place I can't stay, be good!" And with that morning came.

When I woke up I felt so refreshed, not like I had been asleep at all. I knew the Experience was relative, but it did not feel foreboding, it was sweet! It was so vivid and still playing in my head. I was so excited about it that I shared it with a few of my friends. Later that afternoon I noticed my brother's phone number from the states show in my caller ID, but the call kept dropping. I didn't think anything much regarding his call because he would call me every now and then to check on me. A few minutes later my youngest son called and for lack of tact or just not knowing how to say it he blurted out, "My Grandmother, your Mother is dead!" I didn't hear that, I couldn't hear that, even though I heard it. It wasn't possible I thought, I was just with her. Then I knew, she had stopped by to see me on her exit from this Earth, this existence. What a blessing I had received!

I was so choked up I couldn't cry. All I could say was, "My mother is dead". What a horrible thing to have to say to oneself. The woman that bore me in her womb, nursed me from her breast was no more here for me to go to, talk to, touch. The tears began to fall, then another call from my brother, "Vick, Mom is dead"! I didn't want to hear that anymore. After I finished talking to my brother I tried to cry my eyes out, but I could hear my mother's voice saying to me firmly, "Stop that! You've got too much work to do for that"! She was still with me. What is this favor I'm receiving I thought. Since the her and my brother shared a very strong bond I was really surprised that she was with me.I said OK over and over again and tried to contain myself, I had to and besides you can't fall apart if no one is there to help put you back together. And how do you fall down when GOD is holding you up!?

I needed to get to my family. My brother, my children needed me to be there and I knew nothing would go on without me. No way I was going to miss my mother's celebration of life! My brother was worried cause he couldn't get all the money together to buy me a ticket back to the states, plus start to take care of our mother's affairs.
 
 
I stilled myself, thanked GOD for the Experience with her, prayed and waited on HIM to show up and show out. I had $10 to my name.           
 

No comments:

Post a Comment