Single….

Yep, just in case you didn’t know I’m single. Have been for some time by choice! I’m so aware that GOD has chosen me for something and someone special! I’m not saying I haven’t dipped and dabbed here and there, but I’m on hold for Mr. Right! I’m a Queen; a priceless prize!

I’m allergic to BS, so that kind of makes it easy these days because so many guys are full of it! Not all, that would be a generalization, but too many! I’m very selective and refuse to be with somebody just to say I got a man, husband or what have you. My standards are my standards wherever I am or go: no compromise! I don’t mind dating, but it’s got to be just that a date!  

Living here and dating is tricky and sticky for a few reasons. First obstacle is the color and origin of my passport! Guys will try to connect with you for a chance to get out of the country, have an easier life, freeload or just to say they have a foreigner. No thank you, I’m not into the import export a brother business. Some guys and women try and some do make a living out of that lifestyle. They’re called “bumsters”, the guys that is, you can read more about them online.

Another thing is that Gambia is a very small country with a population in 2011 of approximately 1,776,103, imagine that. Chicago’s approximate population in 2011 was 3,758,500; that’s more than double the population of Gambia and keep in mind Chicago is a city and Gambia a country. Now I say all that to say in a place so small you could find yourself dating within the same family. It’s a place where just about everybody knows everybody. Not cool!

It’s no secret that I’m a mature woman and most of the guys here and some in the states are looking for younger women, even girls. These kinds of men wouldn’t attract me any way, they’re vampires to me. Trying to suck the youth out of someone to make themselves feel younger. 

Most men here are married and may have multiple wives. According to Islam they are allowed four and 90% of the country is Islamic. I’m enough work by myself!

I‘ve gone a few dates lately, each fellow quite different from the other. The Nigerian judge was intense! He’s seen a lot in Nigeria and here which makes him so serious that it’s stressful to be around him. Can’t relax and be me.

The brother; the brother is Gambian/American, we’re around the same age, looks and sounds more American than Gambian probably cause he was raised in Harlem. He told me a lot of things about his self and life that I don’t believe, very controlling. We went out to eat and he ordered what he thought I’d like to drink and eat. Yes, he did! Even told the waiter what kind of salad dressing I would have and not to put it on my salad, but put it on the side. Well I couldn’t have that, even though his choices were not bad, I could already see he was controlling so I had to assert myself and add my own choices. I can tell he’s probably slapped around a few people in his life. I finally got him to admit he was married. Friend zone!

I met a guy a few moths ago coming out of one of the supermarkets on Kairaba Ave. I thought he was cute and foreign, but he’s Gambian. He was dressed in conservative business attire eating a chocolate ice cream bar. He started telling me how much he liked ice cream, especially coated in chocolate. Humph, nice way to start a conversation I thought! He called and texted me for weeks, but we never hooked up. A couple of weeks ago I was standing on a corner in Banjul, I had just come from a meeting and was looking for a taxi when he road pass calling out my name.  After that encounter he was hot on my trail, guess that brown dress I had on reminded him of that chocolate ice cream bar! Anyway, we met up one evening that seemed to go on forever. I had meetings scheduled for my literacy program and Rotary club that day we met, no matter he found a place to wait while I attended to my business then took me to a late dinner. Now when I first met him I figured he was in his mid thirties, still young for me, but I’m used to younger guys hitting on me here and in the states. Thank you LORD, I carry my age well and black don’t crack!   When he showed up to meet me he was urban chic and it was clear to see he was in his twenties, a baby! He was automatically put in the friend zone and I assumed he placed me there as well after I told him I had adult children. I guess he was on a quest because after dinner he tried to come home with me. I had to insist that he go home and talk to me the next day. Boys will be boys!

Noel Jones where are you!?